Time once more to don the velvet smoking jacket, channel the spirit of the late Cyril Fletcher
(off of That's Life), turn to the camera, simper and say -
I am indebted to Daniel Wells (aka dannyboy urs off the old offy m/b) for this ribbed tickler-
it's not plagiarism if you acknowledge your 'sauce' (oh, just get on with it - ed.)
The missus said I'm financially irresponsible and gullible; wait until I tell her I've won the Nigerian lottery!
What do we want?
Procrastination.
When do we want it?
Not right now.....
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- Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road
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- Posts: 1568
- Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
- Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
I've just left my job in the luminous ink factory.
The boss game me a glowing reference.
The boss game me a glowing reference.
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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
I don't know if you listen to the Tony Blackburn Show -
eh? what's that? You don't need to, because I tell all his jokes on here -
well that's true, but this morning, Tony told one of mine! And here it is:
With all this warm weather we're having, I b ought a rocket salad yesterday;
but it went off before I could eat it!
Good enough for Tony, good enough for you lot.
Sylvester Stallone has been married twice, but both ended in divorce.
The first marriage was rocky, the 2nd was rocky too......
Top Tip: Kid people you've got jaundice, by adding iodine to your bathwater!
eh? what's that? You don't need to, because I tell all his jokes on here -
well that's true, but this morning, Tony told one of mine! And here it is:
With all this warm weather we're having, I b ought a rocket salad yesterday;
but it went off before I could eat it!
Good enough for Tony, good enough for you lot.
Sylvester Stallone has been married twice, but both ended in divorce.
The first marriage was rocky, the 2nd was rocky too......
Top Tip: Kid people you've got jaundice, by adding iodine to your bathwater!
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- Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
- Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Anybody see Eurovision? No, me neither;
Anybody know who won it - or care? No, me neither.
Anyway, with all this nice weather we've been having, I decided to buy some new plants for the garden.
I went to the local garden centre, and who should I see - Michael J. Fox!
I knew it was him, he had his back to the fuschias.
I've only just found out my dad was a mime artist for over 50 years!
He certainly kept that quiet.....
Anybody know who won it - or care? No, me neither.
Anyway, with all this nice weather we've been having, I decided to buy some new plants for the garden.
I went to the local garden centre, and who should I see - Michael J. Fox!
I knew it was him, he had his back to the fuschias.
I've only just found out my dad was a mime artist for over 50 years!
He certainly kept that quiet.....
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- Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
- Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
I've lost my job as a tandem sky-diver.
I was always falling out with people.....
I was always falling out with people.....
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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
The person who invented the Ferris Wheel never met the inventor of the Merry-Go-Round.
They moved in different circles.
Top Tip:
Fishermen -use licquorice as bait, you'll catch all sorts.
They moved in different circles.
Top Tip:
Fishermen -use licquorice as bait, you'll catch all sorts.
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- Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
I know you lot won't take umbrage at this - because you don't know what umbrage means
Last night, the missus said she's leaving me, because of my obsession with Wham.
I said wake me up before you go, go.
Last night, the missus said she's leaving me, because of my obsession with Wham.
I said wake me up before you go, go.
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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Everyone in my street wears woolly jumpers.
We're a tight-knit community.
We're a tight-knit community.