For all QPR and Non QPR threads that don't fit in the other areas.
steveqpr881
Posts: 1613
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Went shopping yesterday, and I dropped a bag of flour on the floor!
Mind you, I didn't need to pick it up....it was self-raising!
:D
steveqpr881
Posts: 1613
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Happy St. George's Day, everyone!
And it's also William Shakespeare's birthday - Shakespeare walked into a tavern & the barkeeper said, "You're bard."
Shakespeare once fancied a holiday in Devon, but he couldn't decide where, exactly - Torbay, or not Torbay?
And in a similar vein - he used to write his plays using a pencil, but he couldn't decide - 2B, or not 2B.
steveqpr881
Posts: 1613
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Newsflash - workers at the tool-sharpening factory have gone on strike;
apparently, they all have an axe to grind!
:o
steveqpr881
Posts: 1613
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

I was pulled over in my car by Old Bill yesterday!
The copper said, "Would you blow into this bag please, sir."
I asked him why, he said, "Because my chips are too hot." :?

Interesting Fact:
Half of the World's bluebells grow in England.
It is an offence to dig them up, punishable by a fine of £5,000 per bulb! :o

Thought For The Day:
When life gives you anagrams, make melonade.
steveqpr881
Posts: 1613
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

I entered a marathon in Sweden;I knew I'd taken a wrong turn when I crossed the Finnish line. :?
steveqpr881
Posts: 1613
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

I've just started a band; our 1st single is called Duvet, b-side is Eiderdown.
We're a covers band......
8-)
steveqpr881
Posts: 1613
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

The boss offered me a pay rise if I could do an impersonation of a frog-
well, I jumped at the chance!
:D
steveqpr881
Posts: 1613
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

I've had to scrap my chicken dating agency.
It did badly, I couldn't make hens meet.
:oops:
steveqpr881
Posts: 1613
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

I taped a set of dentures to a boomerang, threw it & thought -
that'll come back to bite me. :D
Reminds me of the time I threw a boomerang at a ghost - it came back to haunt me! :o
steveqpr881
Posts: 1613
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Time once more to don the velvet smoking jacket, channel the spirit of the late Cyril Fletcher
(off of That's Life), turn to the camera, simper and say -
I am indebted to Daniel Wells (aka dannyboy urs off the old offy m/b) for this ribbed tickler-
it's not plagiarism if you acknowledge your 'sauce' (oh, just get on with it - ed.)
The missus said I'm financially irresponsible and gullible; wait until I tell her I've won the Nigerian lottery!

What do we want?
Procrastination.
When do we want it?
Not right now.....
:?
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