Independent Rs Messageboard

[steveqpr881]

....btw, have you noticed today's date?
25th of July.
Yes, that's right.....5 months to Christmas!!

[steveqpr881]

Vlad Putin went on holiday to Estonia a few years ago.
The immigration bloke didn't recognise him; the conversation went like this:
"Address?" "The Kremlin, Moscow."
"Occupation?" "No, I'm only here for a holiday."

[steveqpr881]

I went shopping for some apples & oranges.
But when I got to the shop, they were all sold out.
It was a totally fruitless experience.

Thought for the day: Man landed on the moon before the suitcase on wheels was invented.

[steveqpr881]

OK, I admit I've been scraping the bottom of the barrel for the last few days,
but fear not, mirth fans - I've got a fresh batch of ribbed ticklers from this
morning's Tony Blackburn Show - er, which I made up myself
Like this one:
Seen the new Elvis film? I tried to buy tickets for it over the phone, but the
recorded message said, "Well it's a-1 for the money, 2 for the show..."

Speaking of TB & Elvis, I managed to get in the latest issue of Private Eye;
the other week, Tony B was talking about the film & he mentioned "Elvis's manager, Tom Parker-Bowles"
Check it out - Commentatorballs. Another one for my scrapbook ."

[steveqpr881]

Told the wife I wanted to make a bike out of spaghetti.
She was baffled by the idea, so I had to run it pasta.

[steveqpr881]

Went to buy a pair of camouflage trousers today...…
but I couldn't find a pair anywhere.

Thought For The Day:
What if there were no hypothetical questions?

And a brand new feature - The Burning Question.
In which we raise topics of great importance, that nobody else does.
Such as..... if smoking's so bad for you, how come it cures salmons??

[steveqpr881]

Here's a bonus joke ("M'sieu, you are really spoiling us," as the posh bird in the Ferrero Rocher ad used to say)
Just nicked it off Facebook, it's an oldie but a goldie.
An Englishman, an Irishman, a Scotsman, a Welshman, a Chinaman, an American, a Mexican,a German,
a Vietnamese, a Malaysian, an Australian (it can go on for as many countries as you like, but you get the idea)
walked into a night club and the bouncer said -
"Sorry, I can't let you in without a Thai."