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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2022 10:05 am
by steveqpr881
2 cows in a field.
One says, "Are you worried about this Mad Cow Disease?"
The other one says, "No, it don't affect me, I'm a giraffe." 
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Thu Jun 16, 2022 9:18 am
by steveqpr881
Normal service has been resumed!!
Well, I say normal......couldn't post at all yesterday,must've been those pesky bots again. 
Anyway, I have a backlog of ribbed ticklers for your edification, so here goes....
It's the qualifying round of Surgeon of the Year; I wonder who'll make the final cut?
A friend of mine's a getaway driver; he uses a different car for each job.
He's just been hired for a bank raid in Slough, he's taking the A4. 
If we all had Top-Gun style code names, what would we be called?
I reckon Steve Russell would be Badgeman
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Sat Jun 18, 2022 11:09 am
by steveqpr881
Some bad news for you, mirth fans.
I overslept this morning, and missed the jokes on the Tony Blackburn Show. 
So here is a golden oldie I nicked from a "Dad Jokes" page.....
I was singing in the shower this morning & it was ok, until I got shampoo in my mouth-
then it became a soap opera.
{The Management apologises for the poor quality of that joke}
Top Gun code names: Colin Woodley...….. Death Star.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Mon Jun 20, 2022 11:31 am
by steveqpr881
Saturday was the anniversary of the Battle of Waterloo.
As immortalised in song by ABBA, of course.
Which made think what a genius the Duke of Wellington was:
how he found time to write all those songs, take his Big Band on the road
and win the battle of Trafalgar is a mystery to me. 
I can remember when plastic surgery was a taboo subject;
now, whenever Botox is mentioned, nobody raises an eyebrow. 
Interesting Fact: Snails only ever mate once in their lives;
however, the act can last up to 12 hours!
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Thu Jun 23, 2022 9:35 am
by steveqpr881
I've had numerous emails - well OK, just the one - in fact, none 
pointing out that Duke Ellington didn't win the Battle of Trafalgar, that was Lord Nelson Riddle.
Happy to put the record straight.
Any road up, on to today's ribbed tickler:
I sellotaped a ouija board to a boomerang & thought - that'll come back to haunt me!
Interesting Fact: Hitchcock's "Psycho" was the first film to show a toilet flushing.
Top Gun code names: Bernard Lambert - Columbo.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Fri Jun 24, 2022 9:05 am
by steveqpr881
I bought a new puppy, but I didn't know what breed he was;
then he got a sore throat, so I took him to the Vet, & he told me.....
he was a little husky.
Top Tip: Sprinkle whisky on your lawn,that way the grass comes up half cut. 
Interesting Fact: Butterflies taste with their feet.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Mon Jun 27, 2022 11:49 am
by steveqpr881
To the person who invented the zero....thanks for nothing.
Top Tip: By replacing your usual morning coffee with a nice cup of herbal tea, you can reduce by up to 50%
what little pleasure you still have in life. 
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Tue Jun 28, 2022 10:18 am
by steveqpr881
Just got back from holiday & there was chaos at Heathrow.
I waited so long for my suitcase, I fainted onto the luggage carousel.
But I eventually came round again.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Wed Jun 29, 2022 8:20 am
by steveqpr881
Went to a friend's wedding, and I was asked to say a few words.
Didn't know what to say, so I just said, "Bargain."
Afterwards, he came up to me & said, "Thanks - that meant a lot to me."
And a new feature: On This Day in History.
On June 29th, 1972, Slade were top of the pops, with "Take Me Back Home."
The England World Cup song.....or maybe not 
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Fri Jul 01, 2022 12:28 pm
by steveqpr881
Last night, I dreamt I was making 1,000 pancakes.
I was tossing & turning all night.
Interesting Fact: Coronation Street's theme tune is called Kaleidoscope No. 1