My dog usually comes in for a meal every day at 12;
but since the clocks went forward, he's an hour late.
Guess he's not a watch dog.....
And that reminds me of this comedy classic:
a man went to see his GP, he said,
"Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a dog."
The doc replied, "Do you want to lie on the couch?"
The man said, "No thanks, I'm not allowed."
That Val Doonican....the only man in showbiz who didn't want a personalised numberplate.
Now you know me, I'm not one to boast......but yesterday, I had the heating on!
And that reminds me of a comedy classic;this joke won the Eurovision Joke Contest back in 1968:
Q: What did the gas meter say to the shilling?* (*- younger readers:I'm sure kerrins will be happy to explain what a shilling was )
A:Glad you dropped in!
It's the Grand National today, and here's Steve's Top Tip:
Put your money on Riderless Horse, it's first across the line every year.
....nobody? Ok, never mind - back to the usual fare.
A friend came over yesterday & we played hide & seek.
It went on for hours, which just goes to show.....
a good friend is hard to find.
Interesting Fact: today's date is a palindrome - that is,for the less
intelligent of you, the numbers are the same backwards as well as forwards:
22/4/22 = 22/4/22 backwards. Well I never!
Today is St. George's Day!! Happy St. George's Day, everybody.
It's also the birthday of William Shatner (Shakespeare, shurely? - ed.)
You're right, silly me, meant to say Shakespeare
and here are some bard-related jokes:
Shakespeare booked a holiday in Devon, but he couldn't decide where to go;
Torbay, or not Torbay?
He always wrote his plays with a pen,not a pencil; if he'd used a pencil he
couldn't decide 2B, or not 2B.
Did anyone hear my name-check on Radio 2 on Tuesday?
It was on early breakfast show, I answered their quiz correctly.
Just call me Professor Pop.
Any way, on with the jokes (Must we?? - ed.)
I woke up this morning, and the ghost of Gloria Gaynor was stood at the foot of the bed.
First I was afraid, I was petrified.....
Interesting Fact: It is illegal for frogs to croak after 11pm in Memphis, Tennessee.
Stop me if you've heard this one before (we've heard 'em all before, Steve)
I shall treat that with the contempt it deserves; it's just that this one seems a bit familiar;
still, as I always say, deja-vu ain't what it used to be. So here goes:
I've just got a new job, as a trampolinist. It has its ups & downs.
I had a box-load of old Dusty Springfield records, on the wall of my garage;
then burglars broke in and stole them, now I dont know what to do with my shelf.
A station on London Overground: (Ian) Holloway Road.
And that reminds me: I taught my dog to play the trumpet on the Underground.
He went from Barking to Tooting in under an hour!
Well, did we all enjoy the Queen's Jubilee celebrations?
Picture the scene: I was at Buckingham Palace, kneeling on a footstall;
the Queen approached me, with a ceremonial sword.
She tapped me first on one shoulder, then the other & said,
"For services to comedy, arise Sir Steve."
Then I woke up......it was all a dream.
Seems you have to be recommended for a gong, and no-one put my name forward.
Still never mind, there's always the New Year's Honour List.......
Anyway, back to business - today's ribbed tickler
My wife threatened to leave me because of my obsession with poker -
but I think she's bluffing.
I couldn't sleep last night - I didn't know why.....then it dawned on me.
Thought For The Day:
Was Billy Ocean on Atlantic Records??
)
