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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2025 12:07 pm
by steveqpr881
Aren't traffic lights annoying? Those little green men really make me cross! 
I've had a boundary dispute with my neighbour; he's taken offence..... 
Thought For The Day: What's the collective noun for a group of hermits??
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Fri Aug 29, 2025 10:16 am
by steveqpr881
I told a friend I was making a model of Mount Everest.
He said, "To scale?" I said, "No - just to look at."
My local dog food company has gone bust - they've called in the retrievers. 
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Mon Sep 01, 2025 10:48 am
by steveqpr881
Customer in restaurant: Waiter, this soup is cold.
Waiter: It's gazpacho, sir.
Customer: Gazpacho, this soup is cold..... 
Interesting fact:
Port Vale is the only English football team NOT named after a place! there is no 'Port Vale' on the map.
QPR Rhyming Slang: Richard Kone - Sylvester Stallone.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Thu Sep 04, 2025 9:21 am
by steveqpr881
I put all my herbs in alphabetical order.....to be honest, I don't know where I find the thyme.
My pencil kept breaking every time I sharpened it,so I threw it away - it was pointless.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2025 9:28 am
by steveqpr881
I bought an oil painting, but the cat scratched it! 
It's a clawed Monet.....
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Mon Sep 08, 2025 1:24 pm
by steveqpr881
My house is being vandalised!
Yesterday, someone dumped 50 prawn cocktails on the drive -and that's just for starters!
Today's Interesting Fact:
Today is Star Trek Day! The classic show was first aired on American TV on this day in 1966.
Live long & Prosper!!
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Tue Sep 09, 2025 10:08 am
by steveqpr881
My phone accidentally took a picture of my shoe.....I got some good footage
Just been made redundant from my job at the laundry - I've been hung out to dry!
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Wed Sep 10, 2025 11:04 am
by steveqpr881
I missed an interesting tv programme about tomato sauce....never mind, I'll see it on ketchup
The Burning Question: Can kestrels fly at night?
Yes, all kestrels manoeuvure in the dark - geddit?? (80s pop reference there, somebody please explain it to kerrins)
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Thu Sep 11, 2025 9:47 am
by steveqpr881
I went to a chippie last night to get a bag of chips.
The woman serving said, "Do you want anything on it?"
I asked, "Is it any extra?" She said no, so I said,
"In that case I'll have a large cod & some mushy peas."
Top Tip:
If you're choking on an ice cube, just pour boiling water down your throat - that'll save your life. 
Interesting Fact:
Benito Mussolini's great-grandson Romano Mussolini, is a professional footballer for Italian club Cremona.
Naturally enough, he plays on the right wing!
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Fri Sep 12, 2025 10:43 am
by steveqpr881
I've got the memory of an elephant....I remember seeing one in a zoo, once. 
Interesting Fact:
Darth Vader's lightsaber was recently sold at auction for £2.7MILLION!!!