For all QPR and Non QPR threads that don't fit in the other areas.
steveqpr881
Posts: 1487
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

My girlfriend poked me in the eyes, so I stopped seeing her for a while.

Top Tip:
If you have trouble getting to sleep, just lie on the edge of the bed.
You'll soon drop off.

Interesting Fact:
Chris Martin (of Coldplay) played a zombie in Sean of the Dead.
steveqpr881
Posts: 1487
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

I went to a fancy dress competition as a giraffe.
Didn't win a prize, but at least I can hold my head high. :)
steveqpr881
Posts: 1487
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Q: How do you spot a blind man in a nudist camp?
A: It's not hard......
:ugeek:
steveqpr881
Posts: 1487
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Heard on the radio this morning, today is the 1st day of The Hay Festival.
Funny, that....you wouldn't think that hay would merit it's own festival.
(that's the last straw - I'm baleing out - geddit? - ed.)
Look sunshine, I do the funnies on here.....
:evil:
steveqpr881
Posts: 1487
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Stop me if you've heard this one before (we've heard 'em all before, Steve)
I shall treat that with the contempt it deserves; it's just that this one seems a bit familiar;
still, as I always say, deja-vu ain't what it used to be. So here goes:
I've just got a new job, as a trampolinist. It has its ups & downs.

I had a box-load of old Dusty Springfield records, on the wall of my garage;
then burglars broke in and stole them, now I dont know what to do with my shelf. :(

A station on London Overground: (Ian) Holloway Road.
And that reminds me: I taught my dog to play the trumpet on the Underground.
He went from Barking to Tooting in under an hour!
:D
steveqpr881
Posts: 1487
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

I'm going to a Jubilee party at the local recycling plant.
The invite said "bring a bottle" :)

My giant parrot has just died; that's a huge weight off my shoulder. :D

Interesting Fact: Australia is wider than the Moon.

And a railway station with a QPR player's name in it:
(Brett) Angel.
steveqpr881
Posts: 1487
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

I took the shell off my pet snail, to make it go faster.
But if anything, it just made it more sluggish. ;)

My wife threatened to leave me, if I didn't get treatment for my Neil Diamond obsession.
I am, I said. :D

Interesting Fact: Terry Venables use to sing with The Joe Loss Orchestra, at Hammersmith Palais.

QPR railway station: (Steve) Palmers Green.
steveqpr881
Posts: 1487
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Well, did we all enjoy the Queen's Jubilee celebrations?
Picture the scene: I was at Buckingham Palace, kneeling on a footstall;
the Queen approached me, with a ceremonial sword.
She tapped me first on one shoulder, then the other & said,
"For services to comedy, arise Sir Steve."
Then I woke up......it was all a dream. :oops:
Seems you have to be recommended for a gong, and no-one put my name forward. :cry:
Still never mind, there's always the New Year's Honour List.......
Anyway, back to business - today's ribbed tickler
My wife threatened to leave me because of my obsession with poker -
but I think she's bluffing. 8-)
I couldn't sleep last night - I didn't know why.....then it dawned on me.

Thought For The Day:
Was Billy Ocean on Atlantic Records??
steveqpr881
Posts: 1487
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

re. yesterday's post, can I just say that I've never actually been inside Buckingham Palace.
Although I did once get my hampton caught......brought tears to my eyes. :o

Anyway, on with the ribbed ticklers:
Liverpool's John Lennon Airport has suspended all today's flights;
Imagine all the people.....

I'll tell you what gives me butterflies - my caterpillar collection. :?

steveqpr881
Posts: 1487
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

I used to be in a Cure tribute band.
Called Prevention; people always said we were better..... 8-)
I'm now in a band called cat's Eyes; we play middle of the road.

Interesting Fact: (tv chef) Gok Wan's name is an anagram of Go W*** {CENSORED} :o
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