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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
A man is in court & he's been found guilty.
The judge says, "Before I pass sentence, do you have anything to say?"
"Fuck all," replies the man.
The judge asks the Clerk of the Court, "What did he say?"
"He said 'fuck all', Your Honour," replied the Clerk;
"No, you're wrong," said the Judge - "I definitely saw his lips move."
The judge says, "Before I pass sentence, do you have anything to say?"
"Fuck all," replies the man.
The judge asks the Clerk of the Court, "What did he say?"
"He said 'fuck all', Your Honour," replied the Clerk;
"No, you're wrong," said the Judge - "I definitely saw his lips move."
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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
A friend of mine keeps coming over dressed as a different shape each day -
he'll be round later.
he'll be round later.
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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
I'm trying to make a new door, but it's not going well - I just can't get a handle on it.
Just started going out with a girl from the soft drinks factory; it's a cordial relationship.
Interesting Fact:
Heard on the radio this morning, today is National Carrot Day!
Who thought of that - Jasper??
Just started going out with a girl from the soft drinks factory; it's a cordial relationship.
Interesting Fact:
Heard on the radio this morning, today is National Carrot Day!
Who thought of that - Jasper??
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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Today's birthday (see The Birthdays Thread) reminds me of this QPR Rhyming Slang:
Steve Wicks - Stevie Nicks.
Steve Wicks - Stevie Nicks.
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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
My local restaurant had a fancy dress night.
I went as a tennis ball - didn't take long to get served.
I went as a tennis ball - didn't take long to get served.
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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
I'm tone deaf & I have no sense of rhythm.
But I won't make a song & dance about it.
Chris Day - Peter Kay.
But I won't make a song & dance about it.
Chris Day - Peter Kay.
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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
I can't stand people who get their metaphors mixed up - I mean, it's not rocket surgery.
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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
I thought I was alone in the bath, so imagine my surprise when I felt a tap on my shoulder!
Here is a newsflash: a man sued BA over his misplaced luggage & they lost the case!
Here is a newsflash: a man sued BA over his misplaced luggage & they lost the case!
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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
I went to see a magician who only works with chocolate bars.
He had a couple of Twix up his sleeve.....
The polar bear said, "Do you know the humans have named a chocolate bar after you?"
The penguin said, "What - Eric??"
He had a couple of Twix up his sleeve.....
The polar bear said, "Do you know the humans have named a chocolate bar after you?"
The penguin said, "What - Eric??"
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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Slim pickings on today's Tony Blackburn Show ( I thought you made them up yourself??!! - ed.)
so I'll have to ration the jokes this week, my stockpile is a bit low.
Here's a good one:
I asked a florist if a bunch of flowers would be cheaper if she used some from my garden;
she said she didn't like that arrangement.
so I'll have to ration the jokes this week, my stockpile is a bit low.
Here's a good one:
I asked a florist if a bunch of flowers would be cheaper if she used some from my garden;
she said she didn't like that arrangement.