Independent Rs Messageboard

[steveqpr881]

Happy Birthday to U2 guitarist, The Edge.
Which reminds me of the time I bought a U2 satnav
(You've done this already - ed. I know, but this lot'll never remember)
It was rubbish; the streets have no name, and I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

[steveqpr881]

I'm making my own ladder. It's easy, with the step-by-step guide.

Who's got one leg, and likes chocolate? Willy Wonky!

[steveqpr881]

Well, that's the Olympics done for another 4 years & it made me think;
if Laziness was an Olympic sport I'd deliberately finish 4th, to save the walk to the podium.

Thought For The day:
Half the people you meet are below average.

[steveqpr881]

I bought a wig, it was only £20. I thought - that's a small price toupee.

Thought For The Day;
What happens if you get scared half to death twice??

[steveqpr881]

I went to a restaurant & the waiter asked me, "How did you find your meal?"
I said - "You put it down in front of me."

Thought For The Day:
If your car could travel at the speed of light, would the headlights work??

QPR Rhyming Slang:
Alan Harris - Mica Parris.

[steveqpr881]

Just had a sunken bath fitted - I'm plumbing new depths

The Burning Question:
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends??

[steveqpr881]

Heard on the radio this morning - today id Tell A Joke Day.
Well, every day is Tell A Joke Day on this Fred, so here we go with today's ribbed tickler-
I asked a carpenter to make me a new double bed,but he made me a bunk bed.
It's just one thing on top of another.....

[steveqpr881]

If you listen to the Tony Blackburn Show, you'll know I'm a regular contributor.
So much so that I really think they should call it the Tony Blackburn & Steve Masters Show
(I'm modest like that, I don't want top billing.)
Well today, Tony read out another one of my ribbed ticklers.And here it is.
I said, Tony, would you please play a song for my imaginary girlfriend.
She'll be totally made up.

[steveqpr881]

It's that time of year again.
The time when the Edinburgh Fringe Festival announces it's funniest joke.
As usual, I don't think it's very funny, so I bring you.....
Edinburgh Fringe v steveqpr881.
EF's Top Joke: I was going to sail around the world in the smallest-ever boat.....but I bottled it.
Me: I'm in the Guinness Book of records for having the most clothes on my washing line!
Do you find that hard to believe? I know it's a lot to take in.

[steveqpr881]

My dad always used to say pints, gallons. Which I think speaks volumes.
I've been taking salsa lessons for weeks, but it's not going well;
it's just one step forwards, 2 steps backwards.

Here's a Well I Never that will make your jaws drop. From yesterday's Metro:
A player in Peru was caught short at the worst possible time and got sent off for urinating beside the pitch
during a brief break in play.
The incident occurred in the 2nd half of Atletico Awajun's clash with Cantorcillo FC, Sebastian Munoz taking the opportunity
to enjoy a leak by the corner flag, as the Cantorcillo keeper received medical treatment.