For all QPR and Non QPR threads that don't fit in the other areas.
steveqpr881
Posts: 1631
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

This morning, I woke up in a clown's outfit;
must have slept in a funny position.

Not very good? Ok, how about this one:
I've started my own business, removing chewing gum from pavements.
It's early days, I'm just getting it off the ground.
:D
steveqpr881
Posts: 1631
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

I saw an angry man jogging in a field. He was a cross country runner.

My dog, Minton, ate a shuttlecock - bad Minton!!

And today's Interesting Fact:
King Henry V111 owned the first-ever pair of football boots. :o
Well I never!
steveqpr881
Posts: 1631
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Here's a topical one:
the England football squad won't be voting in the General Election;
they have enough trouble finding the box, let alone putting a cross in.
:D
steveqpr881
Posts: 1631
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

......and another topical joke; tennis-related this time, as Wimbledon has started:
A tennis ball walks into a pub, and the barman says, "Are you being served?"
:D
steveqpr881
Posts: 1631
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

My friend's an electrician.
Whenever he goes to a restaurant, he only has 1 course -
he sticks to the mains. :)

Interesting Fact: the longest word in the dictionary is....elastic.
;)
steveqpr881
Posts: 1631
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

I was a Poll Clerk at yesterday's General Election (trousered £255, so at least Sunak did one thing for me ;) )
on the day, we had some voters with famous names, such as Alan Hudson, and Martin Allen!
Mind you, neither of them were the ex-footballers of the same name. :roll:

Anyway, back to the ribbed ticklers:
I was arrested as I left an art gallery :o
Don't why, when I was inside, I asked security if it was OK to take a few pictures.... ;)

I bought the wife a new fridge.
I could tell she liked it, because every time she opened the door, her face lit up.
:D
steveqpr881
Posts: 1631
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

You know Dermot O'Leary on Radio 2? Does the show after Tony Blackburn on Saturday.
Well, this morning, he told my electrician/restaurant joke from Wednesday. :o
I'm not saying that's proof he reads this Fred for all his jokes, but it makes you think.
Mind you, he didn't give me a credit - now, that's plagiarism in my book. :evil:

Any way, here's another topical joke:
I've devised a new type of tennis, called Silent Tennis.
It's like ordinary tennis, but without the racket! :)
Nick that one if you will, Dermot....
steveqpr881
Posts: 1631
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Apple tart costs £1.75 in Jamaica, £2.00 in Barbados and £1.80 in Grenada.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean. :D

Interesting Fact:
Bromley is the only football club in the top 4 tiers to be in a Tory constituency.
Well I Never - I never knew Bromley was in the top 4 tiers, that is.
steveqpr881
Posts: 1631
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

I was feeling a bit down, and a friend said, "It could be worse, you could be stuck in a hole full of water."
Sounds a bit harsh, but I know he meant well....

Interesting Fact:
As a boy, Keir Starmer took violin lessons alongside the future Fatboy Slim.
Well I never!

What do we want?
Time travel.
When do we want it?
Yesterday.
:D
steveqpr881
Posts: 1631
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

At long last, I managed to see the documentary on clocks & watches.
It was about time. :roll:

Who's this tennis player I keep hearing about at Wimbledon - Mick Doubles??
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