Independent Rs Messageboard

[steveqpr881]

The missus said she's leaving me (she keeps saying that! - ed.)
because I talk like a newsreader all the time.
More on that story later.....

[steveqpr881]

Happy Birthday Bob Dylan, 83 today! Just thought I'd mention it......

When I was a kid, my dad used to put me inside old tyres & roll me down the hill -
they were the good years.

Thought For The Day:
Saying 'let that sink in' after you've said something does not make it any more profound.
Let that sink in.

[steveqpr881]

This so-called "Manchester-Derby FA Cup Final" is a farce -
you've done this one to death - ed.
Oh, ok......how about this then:
My dad's just retired as a circus clown after 30 years.
People expect me to take over, but he's left big shoes to fill.

[steveqpr881]

I once asked my dad if he could explain what a solar eclipse was.
He said, "No, son."

The Burning Question:
Why oh why was the QE2 Bridge named after the famous ship??

Interesting Fact:
Janet Keiller, who invented marmalade, was an ancestor of tv gardener* Monty Don!
Well I never.
(*- when I say tv gardener, I mean he's a gardener who's on tv, not that he's a gardener & a transvestite.)

[steveqpr881]

I've got a new job, helping out a bloke who fixes potholes.
When he can't do it, I fill in for him......

Interesting Fact:
Bumf is military slang, short for bumfodder, or toilet paper.

QPR Rhyming Slang:
Marcus Bean - James Dean.

[steveqpr881]

My 3 sons have won the Pogoing Championship for the 3rd year running!
That's 3 on the bounce!!

Top Tip:
Never fall asleep on a cross word - you'll wake up with a puzzled expression.

[steveqpr881]

My local library has started lending vegetables.I thought - that's a turnip for the books.

Interesting Fact:
Legally, ice cream vans' chimes must last no more than 12 seconds.
Well I never!

[steveqpr881]

I went to see a shrink, because I kept thinking I was a hotel.
He said, "Can I ask you a few questions?"
I said, "Sure - be my guest."

[steveqpr881]

A friend came round the house, I offered him a coffee.
He said, "Is it instant?" I said, "I'll be as quick as I can."

I've just written my autobiography, but I can't find a publisher who's interested.
That's the story of my life....

[steveqpr881]

Just bought a U2 satnav, and it's rubbish!
The streets have no name, and I still haven't found what I'm looking for!

btw, speaking of U2, I heard recently that Cher used to be married to Bono-
that can't be right, shurely??