Time once more to don my velvet smoking jacket & channel Cyril Fletcher off of That's Life to say -
I am indebted to Rs fan Dan Wells (dannyboyUrs off of the old offy mb) for this ribbed tickler, what he put on Facebook:
I've been invited to a combined Burns Night/ Chinese New Year party.
They're calling it a Chinese Burns party.
Wasn't going to go at first, but they twisted my arm.
Esther.....
Times were tough when I was a kid; Mum worked in a nail shop, Dad was a chiropodist.
We always lived from hand to mouth.
I never had new clothes, always got my stuff form the Army & Navy store.
It was no fun going to school in the full dress uniform of a Japanese admiral!
Interesting Fact:
When Charles 1 started his reign, he was 5 foot 8;
when his reign ended, he was 5 foot 1.
Time to once more channel the late Cyril Fletcher off of 'That's Life,'
smooth down my velvet smoking jacket (get on with it! - ed.),
turn to camera & simper, "I am indebted to Daniel Wells, aka
dannyboyurs off the old offy m/b, who posted this on Facebook yesterday
- if you acknowledge your 'sauce,' as QBP used to say, then it's not plagiarism
(it'd better be worth it, after this build-up - ed.)
I've just ordered a book off Amazon, "How Not To Be Ripped Off." Only £150!!
And,as it's National Poetry Day, here to celebrate is a poem what I have wrote specially:
I opened my fridge
And what did I see?
My pet budgie
Smiling at me.
Got a backlog of Easter jokes, courtesy of Tony Blackburn
I stepped on a hot cross bun & got an electric shock - a currant ran up my leg.
Went to the doctor, I said I feel like a chocolate Easter bunny;
he said how do you mean? I said hollow inside.
Interesting Fact:
Soul singer Marvin Gaye was born on this day in 1939;
he played drums on Motown's 1st US No. 1, 'Please Mr. Postman,' by The Marvelettes.
And a bonus Interesting Fact (M'sieu, you are really spoiling us!)
The weekend's Chelsea v Burnley game had 51 shots; only 1 Premiership game has had more,
52 in QPR v Leicester, November 2014
Happy St. George's Day, everyone!
And it's also William Shakespeare's birthday - Shakespeare walked into a tavern & the barkeeper said, "You're bard."
Shakespeare once fancied a holiday in Devon, but he couldn't decide where, exactly - Torbay, or not Torbay?
And in a similar vein - he used to write his plays using a pencil, but he couldn't decide - 2B, or not 2B.
I was pulled over in my car by Old Bill yesterday!
The copper said, "Would you blow into this bag please, sir."
I asked him why, he said, "Because my chips are too hot."
Interesting Fact:
Half of the World's bluebells grow in England.
It is an offence to dig them up, punishable by a fine of £5,000 per bulb!
Thought For The Day:
When life gives you anagrams, make melonade.
Time once more to don the velvet smoking jacket, channel the spirit of the late Cyril Fletcher
(off of That's Life), turn to the camera, simper and say -
I am indebted to Daniel Wells (aka dannyboy urs off the old offy m/b) for this ribbed tickler-
it's not plagiarism if you acknowledge your 'sauce' (oh, just get on with it - ed.)
The missus said I'm financially irresponsible and gullible; wait until I tell her I've won the Nigerian lottery!
What do we want?
Procrastination.
When do we want it?
Not right now.....
I don't know if you listen to the Tony Blackburn Show -
eh? what's that? You don't need to, because I tell all his jokes on here -
well that's true, but this morning, Tony told one of mine! And here it is:
With all this warm weather we're having, I b ought a rocket salad yesterday;
but it went off before I could eat it!
Good enough for Tony, good enough for you lot.
Sylvester Stallone has been married twice, but both ended in divorce.
The first marriage was rocky, the 2nd was rocky too......
Top Tip: Kid people you've got jaundice, by adding iodine to your bathwater!
