Independent Rs Messageboard

[steveqpr881]

Happy St. George's Day, everyone!
And it's also William Shakespeare's birthday - Shakespeare walked into a tavern & the barkeeper said, "You're bard."
Shakespeare once fancied a holiday in Devon, but he couldn't decide where, exactly - Torbay, or not Torbay?
And in a similar vein - he used to write his plays using a pencil, but he couldn't decide - 2B, or not 2B.

[steveqpr881]

Newsflash - workers at the tool-sharpening factory have gone on strike;
apparently, they all have an axe to grind!

[steveqpr881]

I was pulled over in my car by Old Bill yesterday!
The copper said, "Would you blow into this bag please, sir."
I asked him why, he said, "Because my chips are too hot."

Interesting Fact:
Half of the World's bluebells grow in England.
It is an offence to dig them up, punishable by a fine of £5,000 per bulb!

Thought For The Day:
When life gives you anagrams, make melonade.

[steveqpr881]

I entered a marathon in Sweden;I knew I'd taken a wrong turn when I crossed the Finnish line.

[steveqpr881]

I saw a man in my garden, wearing a baseball cap, a polo shirt & tennis shoes.
I said, "Oi - what's your game??"

[steveqpr881]

I've just started a band; our 1st single is called Duvet, b-side is Eiderdown.
We're a covers band......

[steveqpr881]

The boss offered me a pay rise if I could do an impersonation of a frog-
well, I jumped at the chance!

[steveqpr881]

I've had to scrap my chicken dating agency.
It did badly, I couldn't make hens meet.

[steveqpr881]

I taped a set of dentures to a boomerang, threw it & thought -
that'll come back to bite me.
Reminds me of the time I threw a boomerang at a ghost - it came back to haunt me!

[steveqpr881]

Time once more to don the velvet smoking jacket, channel the spirit of the late Cyril Fletcher
(off of That's Life), turn to the camera, simper and say -
I am indebted to Daniel Wells (aka dannyboy urs off the old offy m/b) for this ribbed tickler-
it's not plagiarism if you acknowledge your 'sauce' (oh, just get on with it - ed.)
The missus said I'm financially irresponsible and gullible; wait until I tell her I've won the Nigerian lottery!

What do we want?
Procrastination.
When do we want it?
Not right now.....