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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Happy St. George's Day, everyone!
And it's also William Shakespeare's birthday - Shakespeare walked into a tavern & the barkeeper said, "You're bard."
Shakespeare once fancied a holiday in Devon, but he couldn't decide where, exactly - Torbay, or not Torbay?
And in a similar vein - he used to write his plays using a pencil, but he couldn't decide - 2B, or not 2B.
And it's also William Shakespeare's birthday - Shakespeare walked into a tavern & the barkeeper said, "You're bard."
Shakespeare once fancied a holiday in Devon, but he couldn't decide where, exactly - Torbay, or not Torbay?
And in a similar vein - he used to write his plays using a pencil, but he couldn't decide - 2B, or not 2B.
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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Newsflash - workers at the tool-sharpening factory have gone on strike;
apparently, they all have an axe to grind!
apparently, they all have an axe to grind!
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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
I was pulled over in my car by Old Bill yesterday!
The copper said, "Would you blow into this bag please, sir."
I asked him why, he said, "Because my chips are too hot."
Interesting Fact:
Half of the World's bluebells grow in England.
It is an offence to dig them up, punishable by a fine of £5,000 per bulb!
Thought For The Day:
When life gives you anagrams, make melonade.
The copper said, "Would you blow into this bag please, sir."
I asked him why, he said, "Because my chips are too hot."
Interesting Fact:
Half of the World's bluebells grow in England.
It is an offence to dig them up, punishable by a fine of £5,000 per bulb!
Thought For The Day:
When life gives you anagrams, make melonade.
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- Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
- Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
I entered a marathon in Sweden;I knew I'd taken a wrong turn when I crossed the Finnish line.
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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
I saw a man in my garden, wearing a baseball cap, a polo shirt & tennis shoes.
I said, "Oi - what's your game??"
I said, "Oi - what's your game??"
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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
I've just started a band; our 1st single is called Duvet, b-side is Eiderdown.
We're a covers band......
We're a covers band......
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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
The boss offered me a pay rise if I could do an impersonation of a frog-
well, I jumped at the chance!
well, I jumped at the chance!
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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
I've had to scrap my chicken dating agency.
It did badly, I couldn't make hens meet.
It did badly, I couldn't make hens meet.
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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
I taped a set of dentures to a boomerang, threw it & thought -
that'll come back to bite me.
Reminds me of the time I threw a boomerang at a ghost - it came back to haunt me!
that'll come back to bite me.
Reminds me of the time I threw a boomerang at a ghost - it came back to haunt me!
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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Time once more to don the velvet smoking jacket, channel the spirit of the late Cyril Fletcher
(off of That's Life), turn to the camera, simper and say -
I am indebted to Daniel Wells (aka dannyboy urs off the old offy m/b) for this ribbed tickler-
it's not plagiarism if you acknowledge your 'sauce' (oh, just get on with it - ed.)
The missus said I'm financially irresponsible and gullible; wait until I tell her I've won the Nigerian lottery!
What do we want?
Procrastination.
When do we want it?
Not right now.....
(off of That's Life), turn to the camera, simper and say -
I am indebted to Daniel Wells (aka dannyboy urs off the old offy m/b) for this ribbed tickler-
it's not plagiarism if you acknowledge your 'sauce' (oh, just get on with it - ed.)
The missus said I'm financially irresponsible and gullible; wait until I tell her I've won the Nigerian lottery!
What do we want?
Procrastination.
When do we want it?
Not right now.....