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- Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
I was pulled over in my car by Old Bill yesterday!
The copper said, "Would you blow into this bag please, sir."
I asked him why, he said, "Because my chips are too hot."
Interesting Fact:
Half of the World's bluebells grow in England.
It is an offence to dig them up, punishable by a fine of £5,000 per bulb!
Thought For The Day:
When life gives you anagrams, make melonade.
The copper said, "Would you blow into this bag please, sir."
I asked him why, he said, "Because my chips are too hot."
Interesting Fact:
Half of the World's bluebells grow in England.
It is an offence to dig them up, punishable by a fine of £5,000 per bulb!
Thought For The Day:
When life gives you anagrams, make melonade.
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- Posts: 1567
- Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
- Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
I entered a marathon in Sweden;I knew I'd taken a wrong turn when I crossed the Finnish line.
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- Posts: 1567
- Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
- Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
I saw a man in my garden, wearing a baseball cap, a polo shirt & tennis shoes.
I said, "Oi - what's your game??"
I said, "Oi - what's your game??"
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- Posts: 1567
- Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
- Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
I've just started a band; our 1st single is called Duvet, b-side is Eiderdown.
We're a covers band......
We're a covers band......
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- Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
The boss offered me a pay rise if I could do an impersonation of a frog-
well, I jumped at the chance!
well, I jumped at the chance!
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- Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
- Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
I've had to scrap my chicken dating agency.
It did badly, I couldn't make hens meet.
It did badly, I couldn't make hens meet.
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- Posts: 1567
- Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
- Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
I taped a set of dentures to a boomerang, threw it & thought -
that'll come back to bite me.
Reminds me of the time I threw a boomerang at a ghost - it came back to haunt me!
that'll come back to bite me.
Reminds me of the time I threw a boomerang at a ghost - it came back to haunt me!
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- Posts: 1567
- Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
- Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Time once more to don the velvet smoking jacket, channel the spirit of the late Cyril Fletcher
(off of That's Life), turn to the camera, simper and say -
I am indebted to Daniel Wells (aka dannyboy urs off the old offy m/b) for this ribbed tickler-
it's not plagiarism if you acknowledge your 'sauce' (oh, just get on with it - ed.)
The missus said I'm financially irresponsible and gullible; wait until I tell her I've won the Nigerian lottery!
What do we want?
Procrastination.
When do we want it?
Not right now.....
(off of That's Life), turn to the camera, simper and say -
I am indebted to Daniel Wells (aka dannyboy urs off the old offy m/b) for this ribbed tickler-
it's not plagiarism if you acknowledge your 'sauce' (oh, just get on with it - ed.)
The missus said I'm financially irresponsible and gullible; wait until I tell her I've won the Nigerian lottery!
What do we want?
Procrastination.
When do we want it?
Not right now.....
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- Posts: 1567
- Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
- Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
I've just left my job in the luminous ink factory.
The boss game me a glowing reference.
The boss game me a glowing reference.
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- Posts: 1567
- Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
- Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
I don't know if you listen to the Tony Blackburn Show -
eh? what's that? You don't need to, because I tell all his jokes on here -
well that's true, but this morning, Tony told one of mine! And here it is:
With all this warm weather we're having, I b ought a rocket salad yesterday;
but it went off before I could eat it!
Good enough for Tony, good enough for you lot.
Sylvester Stallone has been married twice, but both ended in divorce.
The first marriage was rocky, the 2nd was rocky too......
Top Tip: Kid people you've got jaundice, by adding iodine to your bathwater!
eh? what's that? You don't need to, because I tell all his jokes on here -
well that's true, but this morning, Tony told one of mine! And here it is:
With all this warm weather we're having, I b ought a rocket salad yesterday;
but it went off before I could eat it!
Good enough for Tony, good enough for you lot.
Sylvester Stallone has been married twice, but both ended in divorce.
The first marriage was rocky, the 2nd was rocky too......
Top Tip: Kid people you've got jaundice, by adding iodine to your bathwater!