Independent Rs Messageboard

[steveqpr881]

I went to the National Toupee Awards last night.
All the bigwigs were there.

Thought For The Day:
Paradoxes are funny things - you can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.

[steveqpr881]

Just bought a cross-breed dog from a magician; it's a Labrcadabra.

Top Tip:
Want to look 10 years younger?
Take your glasses off before you look in the mirror.

Don't you just hate it when people answer their own questions?
I do!!

[steveqpr881]

If anybody needs a lesson in double entendre, I'd be happy to give you one

[steveqpr881]

My clock business hasn't been doing very well, I've had to wind it up.
On a more positive note (it couldn't get any worse - ed.) I've been writing a book about
clocks & watches, it's taken me years but it's out next week. It's about time.

And the welcome return of an old favourite - The Burning Issue.
Today we ask - forcing rhubarb, should it be outlawed??

[steveqpr881]

I failed the magician's exam. They were all trick questions.

The wife kept nagging me, for doing an impression of a flamingo;
well, I had to put my foot down!

Thought For The Day:
Is chewing your nails cannibalism??

[steveqpr881]

I keep forgetting to pay the rent on my allotment;
I think I'm losing the plot.

A friend of mine composes songs on a sewing machine!
He's a Singer songwriter.

And some QPR rhyming slang:
Marcus Bean - Barry Sheen.

[steveqpr881]

Was talking to a friend last night; he said his wife went out for some milk 2 weeks ago, and never came back!
I asked him how we was coping; he said, "Not too bad, I'm getting used to the powdered stuff."

[steveqpr881]

Just got a new job, as a scarecrow. I'm outstanding in my field.

I pulled a muscle when I picked up a pile of old magazines; now I've got back issues.

[steveqpr881]

I've just made a car out of washing machine parts; I'm taking it for a spin later.
Mind you, the council's just put a speed hump in my road; but I'm sure I'll get over it.

QPR RS: Paulo Di Canio - Jack de Manio.

[steveqpr881]

I slept like a log last night - woke up in the fireplace.
I got up wondering when the sun would rise; then it dawned on me.

Thought For The Day:
If, as the makers of Pringles tell us, 'Once you've popped you can't stop'
then why do their packets have re-sealable lids??