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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
I see we're over the 10,000 views milestone!
Now it's that time of year when the jokes come in from the Edinburgh Festival.
And, to be honest, I don't think they're that funny;
probably on a par with Tony Blackburn's jokes.
So I'm going to put up one of each, and let you decide.
TB: I was going to tell you a joke about herbs & fish, but this isn't the thyme or the plaice.
EF: I sent a food parcel to my 1st wife; FedEx.
And a new feature: American towns with odd names.
There's a town in the U.S. called Why. And one called Why Not.
Now it's that time of year when the jokes come in from the Edinburgh Festival.
And, to be honest, I don't think they're that funny;
probably on a par with Tony Blackburn's jokes.
So I'm going to put up one of each, and let you decide.
TB: I was going to tell you a joke about herbs & fish, but this isn't the thyme or the plaice.
EF: I sent a food parcel to my 1st wife; FedEx.
And a new feature: American towns with odd names.
There's a town in the U.S. called Why. And one called Why Not.
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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Here we go again, Tony B. v The Edinburgh Fringe
TB: Went on a Mystery Tour the other day, we had a sweepstake to guess the destination.
Was a bit peed off when the driver won.
EF: Science was never my strong point at school;
my attempt to lace an Oxo cube with nitrous oxide made me a laughing stock.
U.S. town with weird names: Cheesequake. I kid you not.
And finally, Ronnie - some QPR rhyming slang. Chris Willock - Neil Kinnock.
TB: Went on a Mystery Tour the other day, we had a sweepstake to guess the destination.
Was a bit peed off when the driver won.
EF: Science was never my strong point at school;
my attempt to lace an Oxo cube with nitrous oxide made me a laughing stock.
U.S. town with weird names: Cheesequake. I kid you not.
And finally, Ronnie - some QPR rhyming slang. Chris Willock - Neil Kinnock.
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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
My wife has said she'll leave me, if I don't stop talking like a newsreader.
More of that story later....
Thought For The Day:
There's only one acceptable kind of man bun, and that's an Eccles cake.
And there is a town in the U.S. called Santa Claus;
which is appropriate, because today's date is August 25th, i.e. FOUR MONTHS TO CHRISTMAS
More of that story later....
Thought For The Day:
There's only one acceptable kind of man bun, and that's an Eccles cake.
And there is a town in the U.S. called Santa Claus;
which is appropriate, because today's date is August 25th, i.e. FOUR MONTHS TO CHRISTMAS
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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
My mate's an avid trampoliner & he entered a competition recently.
He came last, but I'm sure he'll soon bounce back.
Just started a new training course, "How To Act Like A Bee."
It's brilliant - I'm still buzzing.
Today is the British Beard & Moustache Championship.
Which reminds me of when I was asked if I know any jokes about hair;
I said I'd mullet over.
There is a town in the U.S. called Toad Suck!
Today is also the 66th birthday of celebrity Rs fan, Glen Matlock.
Which brings me to today's QPR Rhyming Slang:
Glen Matlock - Albert Tatlock. Eye thenk-yew.
He came last, but I'm sure he'll soon bounce back.
Just started a new training course, "How To Act Like A Bee."
It's brilliant - I'm still buzzing.
Today is the British Beard & Moustache Championship.
Which reminds me of when I was asked if I know any jokes about hair;
I said I'd mullet over.
There is a town in the U.S. called Toad Suck!
Today is also the 66th birthday of celebrity Rs fan, Glen Matlock.
Which brings me to today's QPR Rhyming Slang:
Glen Matlock - Albert Tatlock. Eye thenk-yew.
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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Spent all day chasing a spider.....until I realised I had a crack in my glasses
I asked a gymnast friend if he could teach me to do the splits;
he said, "How flexible are you?"
I said, "Well, Mondays & Tuesdays are OK, Wednesdays are out."
The welcome return of an old favourite, The Burning Issue.
Today, we ask - is a Jaffa Cake actually a cake, or is it a biscuit??
I asked a gymnast friend if he could teach me to do the splits;
he said, "How flexible are you?"
I said, "Well, Mondays & Tuesdays are OK, Wednesdays are out."
The welcome return of an old favourite, The Burning Issue.
Today, we ask - is a Jaffa Cake actually a cake, or is it a biscuit??
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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
I'm afraid I'm gonna have to start rationing my ribbed ticklers (hooray! - ed.)
There's been massive inflation in the humour market and, pending an appeal to
Offjoke, the price has gone up so much,it'll be one a day until further notice.
But don't worry, I'll make 'em count - like this comedy classic:
A man on crutches stole my cammo jacket; I said you can hide, but you can't run.
U.S. towns with weird names: no. 94, Accident.
And Q.P.R. rhyming slang: Neil Warnock - The Rock. eye thenk-yew.
There's been massive inflation in the humour market and, pending an appeal to
Offjoke, the price has gone up so much,it'll be one a day until further notice.
But don't worry, I'll make 'em count - like this comedy classic:
A man on crutches stole my cammo jacket; I said you can hide, but you can't run.
U.S. towns with weird names: no. 94, Accident.
And Q.P.R. rhyming slang: Neil Warnock - The Rock. eye thenk-yew.
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- Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Traffic News: a lorry has shed it's load of Vick Inhalers; police say there is no congestion.
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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Young kerrins rang me last night, he said "Steve, isn't it a shame poor old Gorbachov's dead.
And he was right about Perestroika."
I said, "What do you mean, Bernard?"
He said, "Well, we could do with a perestroikas…...geddit??"
And he was right about Perestroika."
I said, "What do you mean, Bernard?"
He said, "Well, we could do with a perestroikas…...geddit??"
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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Almost 10,500 views!!
I was on the phone to young kerrins again last night, I said - Bernard, have you had any rain up there?
He said - Yes, but it's good for the farmers.
I said - you can get some cream from the chemist for that.....
I was on the phone to young kerrins again last night, I said - Bernard, have you had any rain up there?
He said - Yes, but it's good for the farmers.
I said - you can get some cream from the chemist for that.....
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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Stop me if you've heard this one before (we've heard 'em all before, Steve - ed.)
it seems familiar but you know what they say,deja-vu ain't what it used to be.
Anyway, here goes....Yesterday, some one said I was condescending;
that means I talk down to people.
I was in my local library & I asked the librarian if they had any books on tortoises;
she said "Hardback?" I said, "yes, and short legs."
U.S. towns with weird names: Sweet Lips.
it seems familiar but you know what they say,deja-vu ain't what it used to be.
Anyway, here goes....Yesterday, some one said I was condescending;
that means I talk down to people.
I was in my local library & I asked the librarian if they had any books on tortoises;
she said "Hardback?" I said, "yes, and short legs."
U.S. towns with weird names: Sweet Lips.