For all QPR and Non QPR threads that don't fit in the other areas.
steveqpr881
Posts: 485
https://www.houzz.com/pro/kuchnie/meble-kuchenne-i-kuchnie-na-wymiar-warszawa
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Q: If I had 12 oranges in one hand, and 10 apples in the other, what would I have?
A: Big hands. :shock:

Interesting Fact: Donald Duck is 88 today!
He first appeared in a cartoon that was released on this day in 1934.
steveqpr881
Posts: 485
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

My wife's a bit of a magician & she's been teaching our dog magic tricks;
he's an Abracadabralabrador. :?
She's pretty good at magic herself; only yesterday, she turned her car into a tree. :o

Interesting Fact: Lego is Latin for "I put together."
:ugeek:
steveqpr881
Posts: 485
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

My friend Pete's a plumber.
He's just split up with his girlfriend Florence.
But he reckons he's over Flo...... :?

Today is the start of National Diarrhoea Week - runs until Sunday.
:o
steveqpr881
Posts: 485
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

2 cows in a field.
One says, "Are you worried about this Mad Cow Disease?"
The other one says, "No, it don't affect me, I'm a giraffe."
:P
steveqpr881
Posts: 485
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Normal service has been resumed!!
Well, I say normal......couldn't post at all yesterday,must've been those pesky bots again. :evil:
Anyway, I have a backlog of ribbed ticklers for your edification, so here goes....
It's the qualifying round of Surgeon of the Year; I wonder who'll make the final cut?
A friend of mine's a getaway driver; he uses a different car for each job.
He's just been hired for a bank raid in Slough, he's taking the A4. ;)
If we all had Top-Gun style code names, what would we be called?
I reckon Steve Russell would be Badgeman
steveqpr881
Posts: 485
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Some bad news for you, mirth fans.
I overslept this morning, and missed the jokes on the Tony Blackburn Show. :o
So here is a golden oldie I nicked from a "Dad Jokes" page.....
I was singing in the shower this morning & it was ok, until I got shampoo in my mouth-
then it became a soap opera.
{The Management apologises for the poor quality of that joke}

Top Gun code names: Colin Woodley...….. Death Star.
steveqpr881
Posts: 485
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Saturday was the anniversary of the Battle of Waterloo.
As immortalised in song by ABBA, of course.
Which made think what a genius the Duke of Wellington was:
how he found time to write all those songs, take his Big Band on the road
and win the battle of Trafalgar is a mystery to me. :shock:

I can remember when plastic surgery was a taboo subject;
now, whenever Botox is mentioned, nobody raises an eyebrow. :ugeek:

Interesting Fact: Snails only ever mate once in their lives;
however, the act can last up to 12 hours!
:o
steveqpr881
Posts: 485
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

I've had numerous emails - well OK, just the one - in fact, none :(
pointing out that Duke Ellington didn't win the Battle of Trafalgar, that was Lord Nelson Riddle.
Happy to put the record straight.
Any road up, on to today's ribbed tickler:
I sellotaped a ouija board to a boomerang & thought - that'll come back to haunt me! :o

Interesting Fact: Hitchcock's "Psycho" was the first film to show a toilet flushing.

Top Gun code names: Bernard Lambert - Columbo.
steveqpr881
Posts: 485
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

I bought a new puppy, but I didn't know what breed he was;
then he got a sore throat, so I took him to the Vet, & he told me.....
he was a little husky. :P

Top Tip: Sprinkle whisky on your lawn,that way the grass comes up half cut. :D

Interesting Fact: Butterflies taste with their feet.
:o
steveqpr881
Posts: 485
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

I went to buy a knitted hat, but when I tried one on, it was too small.
The assistant said it looked fine, but I didn't let him pull the wool over my eyes. :geek:

I'm sure of one thing; nothing in life is certain.
:?
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