Independent Rs
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The new, IMPROVED joke thread!
http://www.indyrs.co.uk/messageboard/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=21182
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Author:  Dubliner [ Wed Aug 07, 2019 2:13 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The new, IMPROVED joke thread!

I went to A & E yesterday and said to the nurse "I've been stung by a wasp. Have you got anything for it?"

She said "whereabouts is it?"

I said "I don't know. It'll be miles away by now"

Author:  Dubliner [ Wed Aug 07, 2019 2:14 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The new, IMPROVED joke thread!

As the medic administered the anti-venom, she asked me, "Can you describe the snake that bit you ?"

"Yes, it was like an angry rope."

Author:  liamoliam [ Wed Aug 07, 2019 9:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The new, IMPROVED joke thread!

I am no pancake expert but I know a tosser when I see one!

Author:  liamoliam [ Wed Aug 07, 2019 9:35 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The new, IMPROVED joke thread!

I said to my mate "I'm thinking about getting a divorce because my wife has not spoken to me for over 2 months."

He said "Don't be too hasty because women like that are hard to find"

Author:  Dubliner [ Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:23 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The new, IMPROVED joke thread!

What’s your name?" asked the policeman when he stopped John22.

"John” he said.

"And your last name?" The Policeman asked.

"It's always been John......."

Author:  Dubliner [ Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:25 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The new, IMPROVED joke thread!

What do you call an Italian beggar?

Giovanni Change.

Author:  Dubliner [ Sat Aug 10, 2019 1:51 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The new, IMPROVED joke thread!

I have a trampoline phobia...
I can't help it, they just always make me jumpy!

Someone keeps sending me flowers with the heads cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.

Author:  JOHN22 [ Sun Aug 11, 2019 12:07 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The new, IMPROVED joke thread!

A woman walks into a pharmacy one day and says to the pharmacist, “I’d like a poison that’ll kill my husband but make it look like he died of natural causes.”

The pharmacist says, “Ma’am, not only can I not do that for you, I’m going to have to call the police and report you.”
The woman takes out something out of her pocket and hands it to him. He looks at it and sees that it’s a picture of her husband having sex with the pharmacist’s wife.
The pharmacist says, “Oh, you should have told me you had a prescription.”

Author:  Dubliner [ Sun Aug 11, 2019 11:25 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The new, IMPROVED joke thread!

I hear Dire Straits are looking for an agent in the Middle East.

They should check out Qatar George...
He knows all the Kurds

Author:  Dubliner [ Tue Aug 13, 2019 4:50 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The new, IMPROVED joke thread!

I once tried to make a square but I ended up with an octagon.

I suppose that’s what happens when you cut corners.

Author:  liamoliam [ Wed Aug 14, 2019 3:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The new, IMPROVED joke thread!

My son told me he did not understand cloning.

I said "That makes two of us"

Author:  liamoliam [ Sun Aug 25, 2019 5:51 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The new, IMPROVED joke thread!

My grandad once told me "When one door closes another one opens". Lovely man but a terrible cabinet maker!

Author:  Dubliner [ Sat Aug 31, 2019 8:55 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The new, IMPROVED joke thread!

I couldn't figure out why the ball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Author:  walshy [ Wed Sep 04, 2019 1:35 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The new, IMPROVED joke thread!

I met a mate who informed me he`s had the Shits for the last 6 weeks :shock: ....."but not to worry" he said they go back to school this week :wink:

Author:  Dubliner [ Fri Sep 06, 2019 12:46 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The new, IMPROVED joke thread!

Hypochondriacs anonymous
Step#1 admitting you don't have a problem



I actually forgot to go to my Hypochondriacs Anonymous meeting today

I bet it's early on-set Alzheimers

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