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INDEPENDENT Rs | The Independent Times : The new, IMPROVED joke thread!

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2020 1:28 am Reply with quote
Joined: Mon May 07, 2012 11:31 pmPosts: 530
It was postman Georges last day on the job after 35 years of delivering the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood.
At the first house on his route, the whole family thanked him for everything, and gave him a €20, in an envelope.
At the second house, they presented him with a box of cigars. The people at the third house handed him a fishing rod, and fishing gear.
At the fourth house a beautiful blonde stood at the open door. She took George by the hand and took him upstairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When they had finished, they went downstairs and she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and freshly squeezed orange juice.
Then she poured him a cup of coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a €5 note sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "This has been a wonderful day," he said, "But what's the €5 for?"
"Well," she said, "Last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you.
He said, “Screw him, give him €5.”
The breakfast was my idea!"

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 24, 2020 1:20 pm Reply with quote
User avatarJoined: Sat Sep 27, 2008 2:23 pmPosts: 3440Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road...
I hear JOHN's got himself a new geriatric GPS; it not only gets you where you want to go, once you've got there it reminds you why you wanted to go there in the first place. :roll:

Anyway, on to the best of the jokes from The Tony Blackburn Show-
I saw a man struggling to go uphill with a supermarket trolley full of horseshoes, 4-leafed clover & rabbits feet. I thought - he's pushing his luck.

I went to see a shrink because I keep thinking I'm a dog. He asked me how long I'd been like it, I replied - ever since I was a pup. :P

How do you get Pikachu on a bus?
You poke him on - geddit??

Steve Masters, as heard on the Radio 2 Breakfast Show
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