Up very early to take the dog round the block
Dog not satisfied with just that and decides to take Finney to the Park
Mobile rings
Liz wants to know how much longer he's going to be
Returns home (eventually)

Feeds the cats
Feeds the fish
Prepares brekkie for the family
Mobile goes off
No brekkie for the family

Off to the shop to prune some pansies
Takes Lily to school
Mobile rings
On the way back spots a Chxxxea fan mowing his front lawn
Calls him a scum bag and walks on then makes a defiant limp hand gesture from 50 yards

Jumps in the van to deliver the pansies
Cutting up all and sundry in the process
Mobile rings
Spots a Chxxxea sticker on another vehicle at the lights
Winds down the window
"Feck off you Chxxxea scum"
Mobile rings

Parks up where he shouldn't and tells the Traffic Warden that he's got to make a living somehow and calls him a "Merchant Banker" under his breath.
Mobile rings
Told he's delivered pansies to wrong address
Tells them thats impossible
They tell him to stick his pansies where the sun don't shine
Mobile rings

(And its not even 10 o'clock yet - to be continued)

Hey Steve send Finney & Zico over here to work with me for a few days We'll get them fellas a whole new outlook/appreciation on life

Hangs out with a lot of pansies......what can it mean???

Steve for once, I am lost for words ..........

10am until 12...............

Finney pulls the van into the petrol station at his local supermarket.
Puts fuel in and goes inside to pay.
Bollocks the poor lad behind the counter about the price of fuel.
Parks the van in the carpark....
Rings the council and starts complaining about a traffic warden who gave him a ticket a few days ago.
Walks towards the supermarket while bollocking a council official on his mobile......................

Pushes his trolley around filling it up, while still bollocking the council official on his mobile.
The battery on Finney's mobile runs out.
He carries on with his bollocking down the mobile phone.
Spots a fella wearing a Linfield shirt
Shouts abuse at him and, calls him a feckin' binlid.
The off duty policeman wearing the Linfield shirt pulls out his warrant card and holds it up for Finney to see...........

Finney abandons his trolley and has it away on his toes.......while still bollocking the council official on his dead mobile.
Tries getting out of the supermarket by the front entrance.
Gets stopped by a security guard who thinks Finney is a shop lifter.
Finney gives him the mother of all bollocking........and the security guard starts crying.
Still bollocking the council official on his dead mobile, Finney makes it to his van and tries getting out of the carpark using the entrance lane.

Finney has caused gridlock in the carpark, while still shouting into his dead mobile and, shouting at all the other drivers.
Someone has called the police and Finney can hear sirens getting louder.
Finney does a 9 point turn while all the other drivers all cheer.
He drives out of the carpark, shouting into his dead mobile and making the 'Wanker' sign at all and sundry.

Driving along, he spots a Chelsea sticker in the back window of a Van.
He pulls alongside it at the next set of traffic lights and calls the driver feckin' Scum.
The 6 foot 6, 22 stone driver gets out of his van.
Finney drives through the red light and turns left and drives the wrong way up a one way street.
He carries on shouting abuse at the council official on his dead mobile.....................


The time now is 11.58am.

12 noon . Spots a telephone box.Its empty. Opens the door ,steps inside and starts an argument ( copyright AKUTRs).
12-30 approx .Walks in the Coningham. Waits for someone to buy a drink.

And knowing my luck it will be you and i will be dead with thirst...........

Spot Finney walking through the door at 12.30pm, ask him if he wants a drink, he replies...........
'No thanks, I'm not drinking today.'
1.30pm.
Finney is standing outside the Pub with his beer, half pissed shouting abuse at the passing cars.

A 'Matchday' Police Van pulls up..........two officers get out and approach Finney, they tell him that it is illegal to drink on the pavement outside the Pub................................................................Finney explodes.

He asks them why they are wasting police time on him when there is probably an old lady being mugged somewhere else.
He reminds the officers that he pays his taxes and that he probably pays their wages..........................
Several more officers get out of the van.
Finney asks them if they are all on overtime and how many holidays they have a year, paid for by honest taxpayers like him.

A Police officer asks Finney to go back in the Pub if he wants to carry on drinking.
Finney starts shouting about abuse of human rights.
The officer tells Finney the choice is his............The Pub, or the Police Van.
Finney goes back into the Pub muttering under his breath about Facists.
A Police officer takes a crafty picture of Finney.

2.30pm.
Finney leaves the Pub and heads in the direction of H/Q.
In South Africa rd he spots GP, The Flavster and the boy Bernie heading for the entrance.
Finney screams in their direction..............
'Oi, come here you feckers, what do you think you're doing with my club.'

GP turns and spots Finney........
'Oh sweet Madonna, not him, not again, not that bastard.'
GP runs for the entrance.........................
The Flavster glares daggers at Finney, points at him and says to his minder, 'Take him out.'
Finney is shouting abuse............
The minder hurries the Flavster inside the entrance.

Finney starts shouting abuse at the boy Bernie.
The boy Bernie holds up his hand and Finney falls silent.
The boy Bernie speaks..................
'I don't know who you are son and, quite frankly I don't care.
I've got a 30 million pound drum in Belgravia, a Stately Home in the country, and more dough than I can spunk in ten lifetimes.
I know nothing about football son, but I know that our lot ain't worth a wank.
Don't take it so personally, it's only a game.
Anyway, be lucky son.'
Finney stares openmouthed as Bernie goes into the ground.

2.55pm.
Finney takes his seat............
Everyone sitting around him is thinking the same thing..........oh no, not again.

3.00pm.
The ref blows his whistle.
Finney starts screaming...............................

Please bear in mind that my account refers to a typical Monday

He suddenly remembers that Lily's Library books should of been returned on Friday
Mobile rings
It's Liz wanting to know if he returned the books on Friday and not to forget to go to Sainsburys
He confirms that he will drive to Barnet Library a bit sharpish
But first there's a big pile of washing-up that he'd promised to do

He drives to the library
Librarian looks over the top of her glasses and tells him they're late.
Mobile rings
Librarian points to the sign that proclaims that phones must be switched off whilst on the premises
It's Liz again, she's popped home and remonstrates about the mess he's made in the kitchen
The Librarian coughs loudly, points to the sign again and tells him that he's also incurred a fine.

"How much"
"You're having a laff"
A man reading 'War and Peace' hisses at him and tells him to sshhhhh
Finney tells him to feck off, shoves the books on the floor and storms out.
Switches phone back on
There are five missed calls and six text messages

....Await the next episode.... Finney..... a legend in his own bathroom mirror

Harsh....but very funny!

Jesus, if me Mum got on here she could really do me some damage i tell ya.

So no buying her a laptop for Christmas then Paul!